The Scale
One to five dachshunds.
No stars. No tomatoes. No 87-out-of-100 nonsense. Just a very honest, very small dog telling you what the show was actually like.
1
Sleeping in the seat
Skip it. Save your ticket money for something with a pulse. Barnaby napped through both acts.
2
Sitting politely
Only if you're already interested. Not offensive — just not memorable.
3
Tail wagging
A good show. You'll leave content, humming something, and glad you came.
4
Standing and applauding
Highly recommend. Book it, bring a friend, tell your group chat.
5
Full ovation with confetti
Broadway magic. The rarest verdict. The kind of night that reminds you why you love theatre.